Dad's funeral

My dad's funeral was held on December 21st. He had asked me and all my siblings to speak, and it was good for us to be able to do that. I think it's pretty likely that he was able to attend, and so for me it was a chance to tell him I love him and get some amount of closure I guess. He had also asked me to sing "Gentle" by Michael McLean. It's a beautiful song and I used to sing and play it at our house when I was in high school. The support that we felt from everyone was really, really nice. My friends from my old ward all came either to the funeral or viewing and we saw lots of relatives and old friends. My dad had baptized a family on his mission, the Collazo family, who also came. They love my dad so much and have kept in touch all this time. Now I'll be keeping in contact with them.
I got to pick the flowers for my dad's casket. He loved lavender and wildflowers.

"Gentle" lyrics:

Like a gentle wind can blow the clouds from the sky,
Like a gentle touch can ease the pain of goodbye,
Like a gentle smile embraces empty souls in lonely places,
We should be more gentle with ourselves.

Like the friend who gently builds us up when we're down,
Like a gentle kiss can turn our world all around.
We've been hurt by others often; we've forgiven and forgotten; we should be as gentle with ourselves.
Life can be hard but we need not be so hard on ourselves,
If we will see...

Like the Shepherd leads His flock with gentle commands,
With His gentle voice that only hearts understand,
One thing we can know for certain He has borne the awful burden, so we can be more gentle with ourselves.
One thing that I know for certain: He will bear my every burden, so I can be gentle with myself.

This was more or less the talk I gave:

I’m really grateful for the opportunity to speak today. A couple months ago he told us he wanted all of his kids to speak at his funeral, whenever that might be. While preparing things for the viewing and funeral we’ve gone through about all the pictures we have of my dad. It’s been really great to remember who he was more clearly, especially since I was starting to forget who he was before he became so sick. My dad was kind of a goofball. It was hard to find pictures where he wasn’t making a weird face or doing something funny. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him color a picture within the lines or with the right colors—he was always making horses purple and things like that. Growing up, there were times he decided he wanted to take the family on vacation. I remember driving to the end of our street and him asking us, “ok, should we go east or west?” and just driving to wherever we happened to end up.

I owe a lot of who I am to my dad. One day when I was a kid we were driving in the car singing a song together when he started singing in harmony. I couldn’t figure out how to keep the melody but got the desire to figure out how to sing in harmony. Later we sang a duet together in church. When I was little I used to get out my dad’s big family history book and ask him about our ancestors. There were so many he could tell me about and he got me curious about genealogy, which I now do for a living. I also remember many family home evenings when my dad would share a scripture and ask us what we thought it meant. Sometimes he would pick really hard ones from Isaiah. The challenge of figuring them out was exciting to me, and I still love many parts of Isaiah, at least the parts I can sort of figure out. My dad knew the scriptures so well and could give you a reference off the top of his head if you were looking for a certain passage.

My dad built the two homes I grew up in. Since my dad worked in landscape he had most winters free. I remember spending a winter with him putting rocks up on our home in South Jordan. He let me etch our house number into cement and then next to the front door he etched “peace to all who enter here.” My dad was someone who brought peace. I don’t remember him ever being harsh or mean. I always felt like my dad believed in me and thought I was great. Both of my parents are really good at empowering their kids by believing in and praising them. They have also never wavered in teaching us the importance of the gospel in their lives. I have never heard my dad swear or say anything against the church or a church leader. Until he became really sick I had never seen him stay home from church because he didn’t feel like going. I have never heard him bend the truth or try to take advantage of someone. I have always known that the thing that would make my dad the most happy was to be good and to believe the gospel of Jesus Christ.

My dad wrote a short autobiography three years ago. Writing about himself in third person, he wrote:

Long ago, ages ago, he had repented of his sins (which were many) and accepted the atoning blood of the Lamb of God. Still he wondered how he could now be numbered among the saints of all the ages. He had never done great things. He hadn’t been burned at the stake like Abinadi or carried suffering handcart pioneers across the icy Sweetwater. He hadn’t testified on Mars Hill nor had his body been pierced by lead balls at Carthage.

His only claim to faith was that he had tried to be a good man. His greater claim to faith was that he had accepted the redemption wrought by the Lord of Creation and had bowed in humility before him. Hehad been forced to bow humbly because of the struggles of life but, nevertheless, he had bowed.

After we all speak I’m going to be singing a song called “Gentle,” which was requested by my dad. I used to sing it at our house and he’s always like it. Sometimes I think he was hard on himself, but the message of this song is that we can all have hope through Jesus Christ and I know my dad believed that.

To close, I wanted to share a story included in “The Garden Tomb” by BYU professor Andrew Skinner. This is from a journal entry written by a member of the church in 1891:

On the night of April 6th, 1891, I had a strange dream or vision in which I saw and conversed with my father who died January 27th, 1891. . . .

When father came to the bed, he first said: "Well, my son, being you were not there (at Redmond) when I died, so that I did not get to see you, and as I had a few spare minutes, I received permission to come and see you a few minutes." "I am very glad to see you father. How do you do?" "I am feeling well my son, and have had very much to do since I died."

"What have you been doing since you died father? . . ."

. . . "My son, I have been travelling together with Apostle Erastus Snow ever since I died; that is, since three days after I died; then I received my commission to preach the Gospel. You can not imagine, my son, how mnay spirits there are in the Spirit world that have not yet received the Gospel; but many are receiving it, and a great work is being accomplished. Many are anxiously looking forth to their friends, who are still living, to administer for them in the Temples. I have been very busy in preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

"Will all the spirits believe you, father, when you teach them the Gospel?" "No, they will not." . . .

"Father, can you see us at all times, and do you know what we are doing?" "No, my son, I can not. I have something else to do. I can not go when and where I please. There is just as much, and much more, order here in the Spirit world than in the other world. I have been asigned work and that must be performed." . . .

"How do you feel at all times, father?" "O, I feel splendid, and enjoy my labors; still, I must admit that at times I get a little lonewsome to see my family; but it is only a short time till we will again see each other." . . .

"Father, is it natural to die? or does it seem natural? . . ."

". . . It is just as natural to die, as it is to be born, or for you to pass out of that door (here he pointed at the door)." . . .

"Father, is the principle and doctrine of the Resurrection as taught us true?" "True. Yes, my son, as true as can be. You can not avoid being Resurrected. It is just as natural for all to be Resurrected as it is to be born and die again." [I didn't include this next part in my talk, but he continues by saying "No one can avoid being Resurrected. There are many spirits in the Spirit world who would to God that there would be no Resurrection." I think that's really interesting.]

If my dad hasn’t already been given his mission assignment and is able to listen to this, I want him to know how much I love him and how thankful I am to be his daughter. We are all going to miss him very much, and now we have something to link us to heaven and to encourage us even more to live so that we can be there after this life. I want to bear my testimony that I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I know that He atoned for our sins and am thankful for the hope that can bring. I know that the resurrection is real and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.