A Great Book

I've been reading this book lately--"And They Were Not Ashamed" by LDS author Laura Brotherson. At the risk of sharing too much about a personal part of my life I'm blogging about this because I feel this is a rare book that has identified an epidemic in the Church and can effectively solve it. This is an epidemic that I never really thought about before, but now that I'm reading about it I'm understanding how much of a negative effect it probably has on many marriages.

As Church members grow up we are told to be chaste, to be modest, and sex is a word people don't even comfortably say or talk about (I am amazed to think that I have never heard this word used in any Relief Society meeting, not even ones about marriage). When we get married, we know that of course we can have sex now, but inside it's hard to get rid of negative associations with it, especially considering the negative way it's usually portrayed by media. What I guess I'm getting to is that it seems there are lots of married women who tell themselves sex is ok and that even generally like it, but inside they are still uncomfortable with the fact that they are sexual people. The fact is that our bodies were made for this and we are commanded to be physically one with our spouse (Mark 10:7-8). Married women should really truly like it (our bodies were created to like it), and if, for whatever reason, we don't, we should learn to (and the great thing about this book is that it's written by an LDS person AND it's very detailed about how to make sex work for you).

Anyway, that's about all I want to say here, except for one more thing I've been thinking about. Women have a hard time wanting to have sex if they don't feel emotionally connected to or cherished by their husbands. Often, though, we need to be the ones to take the leap of faith. Sex IS a way for a man to feel/show that he cherishes you, and, if he feels like you really want him, it is much easier for him to emotionally connect with and support you at other times. Also, one interesting thing the book talks about is that for women, true desire/arousal usually starts after you get things going. So, if you're not completely in the mood but think you could be, go for it! (and don't be afraid to have fun)

I apologize if I offend or somehow discourage anyone with my thoughts here. I realize that there are lots of different circumstances people face, and I definitely don't understand or know everything. This has just been some stuff that's been helpful for me, so I assume it's likely helpful for somebody else too.