Perceived Injustice

A couple weeks ago Chad and I had a fight, like a really good one. This fight wasn't quickly resolved. This one made me really dig deep and think about what I wanted and how I wanted to go about it. This one begged for real change to be made.

Of course there were things I blamed Chad for. Of course much of the change involved him, not me, right? Well anyway, I stayed upset for quite a while. I wasn't in a hurry to forgive and didn't know how to do that anyway. I was gifted the Church's manual called "Strengthening Marriage" and spent some time alone with it. Whoever wrote this manual was very wise. There's a lot I could say about the wise stuff in this small booklet. But the real change that came for me was in the chapter on anger. Of course I started out this chapter thinking that I didn't have a problem with that. But then I got to this part that talked about how anger is caused by perceived injustice, and how we often go along pretending like things are fine but then get angrier and angrier about the perceived injustice we feel. Those words "perceived injustice" stuck out like it was in bold with glittering lights. I got to wondering whether all feelings of injustice are just perceived and aren't true at all. I mean, what does anyone owe us, after all? What is just? I realized, to the bottom of my soul, that nobody owes me anything, that any good thing that I ever experience is because some other person, whether God or a stranger, decided to use their agency to act in a good way towards me. I'm not entitled to any of it, and each person has just as much agency as I do, and just as much freedom to use it as they choose.

Feeling this has made me much more grateful. It took away the difficulty of forgiveness. It helped me see the Savior in a clearer light. It helps me better understand why in the world we had to have an Atonement in order to make this all work. Nobody has to do or not do anything at all. God and the universe does not work by compulsion and He really is doing the best He can to move souls in the best way. And so He placed Christ to work by love and to draw us to joy by love and through the strength that comes from His love.

I am realizing that I could have been given any possible circumstance to experience in this life (and life itself was provided by a giving God), and that any good that I have (which is much!) is much to appreciate. I'm realizing that feelings of perceived injustice, in any circumstance, are perceived. I am owed nothing. That doesn't mean we don't seek to improve our lives and our surroundings, but that we do so realizing that any blessing we receive is based upon a law that was kept and a generous God, not because we are entitled to any of it.

And so, I am finding myself more peaceful, more grateful, and a happier (and hopefully better) wife, based on a shift in my perception.

I came upon this tonight: "It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness" (Charles H. Spurgeon). There is so much to enjoy, and none of it is owed to us but is freely given.