On Joy

As I move through this "growing up" time (I'm finally starting to feel like I'm reaching the beginning of real adulthood), and I think as I move into life post-Becca's suicide, I'm finding there are things I am much more passionate about than ever before. These are also things that continue to intrigue me because I can't adequately define them or capture what they are or what they entail. One of these is parenthood; hence, the parenting project I am currently completely in love with. Another is JOY. I've always been intrigued by joy and I feel much of my life has been filled with real, live joy from its true source. I looked up an old post tonight that I never actually posted but it was an OCD list of every piece of anything that I think influences joy positively or negatively. I once had a goal of examining each of these pieces in its own post and trying to really define how to find joy.

Well, I'm up late tonight because I've been assigned to teach 13-year-olds a lesson next week on "finding joy now." I'm currently feeling a lot more peaceful about it but an hour ago I was lying in bed hopping mad over the fact that it seems we are still unable to give adequate lessons on joy at church. A second read-through of the lesson later tonight showed me that I was too hasty to jump to conclusions, and a lot of parts of the lesson will be good to teach. The part I got to the first time that got me so mad was a section on "long-range happiness and joy" vs. "temporary fun and satisfaction." Sometimes I feel so frustrated that we are still stuck on defining the difference between pleasure/fun and happiness/joy and teaching people to just stop focusing so much on pleasure and then they'll get joy. I don't have an adequate solution to my problem with this approach so I'll at least explore it here and we'll see if we get anywhere.

I don't know that Becca chose to do the destructive things she did (drinking, sex, drugs) because she preferred pleasure over joy. This seems to me to be such a shallow way of looking at people and their motivations. I need to study this out more, but there seems to be a common theme related to sexual abuse/molestation in girls who grow up in the church and those who abuse substances and sex when they become teenagers. It makes me fear that we don't teach about the Atonement powerfully enough, that instead we spend our time teaching people that pleasure is bad. I know we should teach that dangerous, addictive stuff is bad, but I want to learn how to more clearly communicate the how to people in Becca's category, who maybe don't feel the same as all the other girls because of bad experiences. I wish I and others could better teach how to feel enough love from the Savior that they don't want to fill up their love quota in unhealthy ways. I wish I could better teach how to repent and forgive. I wish I could better teach how to use faith in Christ to get the strength to overcome temptation or darkness of any kind. I am convinced that there are so many people who want to choose joy, or be good parents, or whatever the "right choice" is, but the how is mystifying to them.

It seems so unhopeful to say that many are mystified by how to make the "right choice" and so they're unable. Maybe that's not true at all. There have been times when I've felt completely baffled as to what I ought to be doing, but I've tried to find answers with an honest heart and the answers have come with time. Maybe it really is about that, about humbly trying to find answers and the Holy Ghost / light of Christ helping you find them as you move your feet. I just worry that it's not as simple as that for everyone. I want to more effectively teach people who want it but who aren't getting the personal revelation to help them make the jumps. It seems that the key to success is just finding the right information and getting the needed resources to apply it.

Anybody (who's actually stuck with me to the end here) got an opinion on this?