the Repentance Bench

I really like Richard and Linda Eyre's repentance bench idea. We've used it at our house for a couple years now. Here's how our version works:

1) When people are fighting, they have to sit on the bench (or stair or wherever).

2) Each person has to say what they did that contributed to the fight (no synopsis of the fight, no telling what the other person did, just focused on "I yelled" or "I hit" or "I wouldn't share").

3) Each person has to say "I'm sorry; I forgive you" and give the other person a hug.

I love this so much better than time out. We still do time out for other things but this is tons better for fighting. Here's why:

1) It's way more effective to have to say out loud what it was that you did that was fighting than it is for you to sit alone and stew about how it really wasn't your fault and be mad that you're in time out. I've been on the bench before, and it is humbling to have to say what I did that contributed to the fight (yep, moms contribute to fights too sometimes).

2) I like that this teaches that in fights, both people usually contribute somehow and it's way more important to recognize your own contribution than it is to be stuck on how bad the other person is. I like not having to judge who was right and who was wrong.

3) I like that it teaches that not only is it important to apologize, it's important to forgive.