too much with us

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers
- William Wordsworth

Ever since I read this in high school these words have been with me, taunted me, challenged me. This morning Claire was up early and fell asleep again, and I've been alone in the house, looking out the living room window at snow-covered Mt. Olympus, feeling out various chairs, thinking. Chad and I have talked about living internationally for years; I've been intrigued with the idea ever since I lived with Americans in Brazil on my mission; I've felt the Spirit whisper that this is a good track for our family - our own team Lehi gaining experience in the wilderness. I thrill at the adventure, the learning, the mental and emotional challenge. The logistics, though, logistics....The biggest deterrent for me in living outside of America - next to leaving behind the grandmas - is leaving all the stuff. When you stay married for a lot of years and you have some kids you rather regularly gather more and more stuff. But it is just stuff, after all, right? Except that it's stuff that is very helpful, or stuff that is meaningful. Like our changing table upstairs, where I've changed three sets of bums, that was a gift to us from Chad's mom and her now deceased husband - I really appreciated such a generous gift when Chad was in school and we were so new to this parenting life. Or what about our patch of grass outside where we sleep in the summers - me, Chad, and the girls all in a row, talking about stars? Or the quiet scene of clouds and color we lay and watch from the bedroom to the west? Some stuff we can take, lots we probably shouldn't, or can't. We ask a lot of questions these days - do we rent the house? do we sell? do we keep some kind of "landing pad" to come back to in the states? how committed are we to being international? how many years and places are we talking about here? There are a lot of unknowns, a lot of investments in time we'll be giving to learning our way around things, making things happen. But, we got ourselves into this. We wanted to; we still want to. The opportunity to gain experience is too bright. And I want it to be a full experience. We shouldn't do this half-baked, with most of our hearts still at our old house. We should act "as if for years" -

D&C 51: 16-17:
   16 And I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise, and command them to go hence;
  17 And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good.

For better or worse, that is what we've done here on our little corner lot in Murray. We have acted as for years. We have looked ahead, we've planted a grape vine, we've painted. We've beautified and worked and lived. And maybe we'll hang onto this corner and maybe we won't, but whatever we do we need to fully be there and live it. And maybe that will mean sending a semi-sized container of stuff to China. :)